someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
