for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Im part way to drunk.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
