she is the kim kardashian of front butts
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
