I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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