I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
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