i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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