We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Randomize
