I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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