Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Randomize