No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
