I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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