You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
