Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
