also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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