just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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