So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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