he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
