Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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