Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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