why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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