Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
