turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
