she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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