it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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