I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
