Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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