Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
