Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
it was like eating out sand paper
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
