She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
