I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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