So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
