Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
