I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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