Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize