Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
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