I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
