just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
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