And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
