I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
