Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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