dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
