He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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