I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize