I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
