I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
