my mouth tastes like poor choices
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
