I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
