He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize