When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
