last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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