There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
