I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
It's rum buckets o'clock
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
