and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
