My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
The adults are the big ones right?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
