true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
