Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Randomize
