I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
