just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
