i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I am midnight drunk by noon
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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