Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
