I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
