youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize