This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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