Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
