New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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