So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
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