Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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