I accidentally had phone sex last night
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
