mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
