are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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