Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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