The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
