Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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