this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
