I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
